August 19, 2006: Last Known Issue of Viceroy's HUMOR List
Hi all! This week has been very, very busy! Worked a lot and helped out a lot at work. Things seem to be going very well there :) How's your work been going? Good? I also wanted to take a moment and recommend to you a friend's website. If you are looking for some good hand made soaps, check out http://www.soapbythea.com Alrighty, now, to the humor! - Viceroy -*-*-*- Viceroy's HUMOR List -*-*-*- Steven Katz, almost 14, lost a contact lens last month. And now he lost another one while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mom the lens was no where to be found. She hurried outside and in a few minutes had the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" Steven asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," Wendy Katz replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150." -*-*-*- Viceroy's HUMOR List -*-*-*- A man owned a small ranch in New Mexico. The New Mexico Wage & Hour Dept claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well" replied the rancher, "There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half wit who works here about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes $10 per week, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night." "That's the guy I want to talk to - the half-wit," says the agent. "That would be me," replied the rancher -*-*-*- Viceroy's HUMOR List -*-*-*- A guy was driving along, when he came upon a tollgate. He came to a stop and as he waited, a big 4X4 came flying beside him and knocked the tollgate booth into a bazillion pieces. The officer there did not get upset. He got on his radio and called for the booth team. In about 30 seconds, a group of people roared up in an old pickup truck. About 25 people got off the truck, started picking up pieces, smearing something on them, and sticking them back together. In less than 1 minute, the booth was ready for work again. You couldn't even tell where the breaks in the Lumber were. The man, who had been watching all this, took his turn then asked the guy running the booth how they got it back together so fast. "AW, that ain't nuthin, he said, they just used tollgate boothpaste." -*-*-*- Viceroy's HUMOR List -*-*-*- Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied the other hunter. "I think this is about the same place where we crashed last year." -*-*-*- Viceroy's HUMOR List -*-*-*- Thought of the week: "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." (Aesop) -*-*-*- Viceroy's HUMOR List -*-*-*-